A Laughing Matter
by shyesplease
Summary: Oliver and Jake end up throwing insults at each other. Who will come out victorious?


_Hey everyone! This was my entry for the weekly contest. I thought I would try since I was bored and had a list of insults besides me. (Don't ask why though! haha!)._

_I hate my title, but couldn't think of anything else to call it. Oh well. Hope you enjoy this. :D_

**A Laughing Matter**

Another school year had creped up on the students of Seaview High. Summer was now just a memory being blown away by the ocean's salty breeze.

Both Oliver and Lilly, were standing at their respected lockers, gathering the necessities for their earlier classes, but then they both heard a mound of chaos down the hall and quickly turned their heads.

The sight was none other than Mr. Hot-Shot, Jake Ryan himself, strutting down the school's hallways as if he was on the red carpet. The sound of girls screaming and squealing as his background music. He was smiling and waving to all his classmates, and "friends".

Lilly and Oliver watched all of this, as they stood idly by their lockers.

Jake stopped by a locker on the opposite side of the hallway and gave the duo an acknowledgeable nod.

Oliver huffed, turning back to his locker in a fury, mumbling some unpleasant things about a certain zombie slayer.

"What's up with you," Lilly asked, noticing her friends behavior was a bit odd.

"I just can't believe he's back..._again_," Oliver responded, with disgust molded on his face. "I also can't believe Miley is dating that creep again," He said shoving books into his locker.

Lilly's face broke out into a smirk. "Am I sensing some jealously vibes from Smokin' Oken?" She teased Oliver in a sing-along voice.

Oliver stopped what he was doing and looked at Lilly in a panic, "No!" Then began mumbling other incoherent thoughts under his breath.

"Speak of the devil..." Lilly spoke as she saw Miley approach Jake. Oliver looked over his shoulder for a mere glance then went back to his locker. The image could do damage.

Miley and Jake shared a soft kiss, before Miley bounced over to where her best friends were. "Hey Guys," She greeted happily, while opening her locker.

They both greeted back, but soon Lilly and Miley were off in a world of 'Girl' talk. Oliver slouched and leaned against his locker, gazing heavily on Jake Ryan, with a hard glare.

Jake was talking to a crowd of at least 15 girls in their grade. He was _flirting _with all of them, even though his girlfriend was not even 10 feet away from him.

He was a disgrace to the male population.

Slowly the crowd lingered away, but not before a beautiful blond passed a note to the cocky actor, and winked.

Oliver saw Jake look at it and smile, before pocketing in his jeans.

Oliver slowly walked over to Jake, and plastered a fake grin towards him. "Hey Jake," He said, as they shared a hand shake. "What was that fine lady giving the ol' Jake Ryan?"

Oliver knew Jake would be stupid enough to tell Oliver the truth. He thought they were "buddies".

"You saw that?," He said with a smirk, "She was just giving me her number," He said raising his eyebrows.

"You going to go for it?" Oliver asked, not interested in the slightest way. More disgusted.

Jake briefly looked at Miley then back at Oliver, "What Miley doesn't know won't hurt her."

"So you're going to _cheat_ on her. Why? Miley's a great girl," Oliver spoke in defense of his friend.

"And she is dude, just her dad and all. I need to take care of needs that she can't fulfill." Jake seriously looked at Oliver, "You ain't telling her this, right?" he asked cautiously.

"Nah," Oliver replied, smiling weakly, before walking away saying "Asshole," quietly.

"What was that, Oken?" Jake roared, fury flamed in his eyes.

"I think you heard me, Ryan," Oliver spoke oddly calm.

The encounter of these two caused Miley and Lilly to stop their previous conversation, and watch the boys.

"Well if my ears heard right I think you called me an asshole!" He yelled, his eyebrows turned downwards in anger.

"Wow, you heard me?" Oliver asked in mocked disbelief. "Cause usually things go in one ear and out the other since nothings blocking traffic."

Oliver earned a couple of laughs, from the slowly growing crowd – including the lovely Miley.

It took Jake a moment to understand the logic behind Oliver's insult, but when he did he was fuming. His facial features could of killed someone by now if they could. His lip was beginning to twitch.

"You know I would call you an idiot for not knowing what you're getting yourself into, but that would be an insult to stupid people," Jake countered weakly.

"Oh so _I'm _an idiot," Oliver said pointing to himself, having a bit fun with this. "Well all I see is this obnoxious, egoistic, ignorant, superficial, asshole!"

People were shocked Oliver spoke these words. Sure everyone thought them, but no one ever had the guts to tell Mr. Movie-Star himself.

"Well ladies and gentleman," Jake proclaimed, "It's an amazing that he can even speak, since he's living proof that a man can live without a brain."

Oliver laughed sarcastically before taking a step towards Jake, "Hey everyone, if you stand close enough to Jake, you can hear the _ocean_!" Then Oliver stepped back to where he was, laughing at his own joke.

Jake once again had to process it. Poor guy.

Not really.

"Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today, Oken?" Jake asked, stepping threatening closer to Oliver.

Miley took this as her cue to stop it before it got ugly. "Alright guys, thats enough!" She said hesitantly, placing both her hands on each boy's chests, pushing them away from each other.

They were both coldly glaring at each other. You could feel the vibes of hatred flowing off their bodies.

"I'm sorry Miley," Oliver said glancing at Miley briefly, before sharply looking at Jake again, "I would love to see this from Jake's point of view, but I'm afraid I can't get my head that far up my ass."

Miley has to bite her lip from laughing, but the rest of the crowd burst into hysterics.

Jake flashed a fake grin, "Oh Oliver, if only you had my Godly looks, then maybe you would understand."

Oliver almost fell from the laughter bubbling in his throat, "Well at least I don't steal water from _little girls_, because I'm a _normal_ human being! What are you?"

Jake's face flushed red from embarrassment or fury, or maybe both.

Oliver simply smirked.

"I'm Jake Ryan for crying out loud, why would I want to be normal nobody like you?!" Jake yelled.

The crowd chorused 'Ohhhhh!"

"I may be a nobody, but at least I don't plan to cheat on my girlfriend," Oliver shot back coldly.

Jake's eyes grew wide as saucers.

They both felt Miley's hands leave their chests, and she looked at Jake glumly, "What's he talking about, Jake?"

"Nothing," Jake snapped, and sent a murderous look towards Oliver, "At least I _have_ a girlfriend, and don't go off fantasizing about other guy's girlfriends!" Jake said, smirking.

Oliver's face whitened in fear. He couldn't possibly know.

"That's right my fellow classmates," Jake said, throwing his hands up. "Little Ollie has a crush on Miley over here."

Oliver's face reddened like a tomatoe.

"Jake come on, stop! This isn't funny anymore!" Miley pleaded, trying to drag Jake away, but failed.

"Wait, wait," He said shrugging her off, "I'm having fun with this."

Jake looked over Oliver, and laughed, "You know Oliver, I heard they are selling lives at the mall...you should get one!"

Jake laughed loudly at his own joke and started to walk away.

Oliver however sprang his head up, "Hey Ryan."

Jake turned around, still cocky as ever.

"I bet your brain feels brand new now, since you've never used it before." Oliver cracked a grin.

You could almost see the steam coming out of Jake's ears, as he reached his blowing point.

"You little," Jake said, before deciding to charge after Oliver, and tackle him to the ground.

Luckily the principal saw all of this. "Jake Ryan!" He spoke.

Jake jumped off the ground. Looking for an excuse, but coming up short.

"Follow me," The principal authorized, as he turned to walk away.

Jake started following, until Miley stepped in front of him. "We" She said, using a hand motion pointing to the both of them, "are over," She announced before stomping on his foot, and walking over to Oliver.

Oliver had just stood up, since he got the wind taken out of him. Miley was by his side, making sure he was alright.

"I'm sorry about him, Oliver," Miley said, brushing his hair out of his face so she could see him, as she smiled sweetly.

"No, I'm sorry. I kinda broke you guys up," He added, guilty.

"It would of happen sooner or later," She said looking at him and biting her lip, as she took his hand and intertwined their fingers. "But I'm sorta glad it happened the way it did."

Oliver just smiled, as he was extremely content.

He got the last laugh, won the battle, and won the girl.


End file.
